Of Courtship

be decent, honest, and kind.

Rule #1: Shaping yourself into your partner’s ideal is not kind.  I know it felt that way.  But it is not honest; and therefore not decent.  Probably because it is not sustainable.  And probably because you’ll end up hating it.
{Not a Rule: Calling your boyfriend or girlfriend, man or woman, or lover your ‘partner’ feels like you are doing something perfectly contractual and not at all passionate or romantic.  That kind of sucks.}

Rule #2: Never use a line.  Or if what you say is/was not but sounds like one, don’t repeat it in the past or future. This one time is ok, if inspired by the recipient.  When you repeat it, it becomes a line

–> Rule #3: Only say what is born from your heart in marriage with their (the target of your passion)’s presence.  In other words, the poetry that sprung to your lips as you shifted about catching glances from corners of eyes or through darkened window reflections, or even as you sat there looking up at slow but regular intervals, between sips of twig tea, giving the best innocent smile that you could muster- all the while your heart tripping over its own desperate sprint.  And when (if) her lips turn up at the corners and eyes bat once or twice there the thing is!  Born!  Your heart has beaten out a form and the words roll out, whether they sound like a line or not.  {Whether her smile is authentic, or even for you… or not.}

Rule #4: The objective is not to “get” the other.  There is no objective.  Do what seems right to you, despite the outcome.  Don’t do what seems right to obtain an outcome.  Don’t vote for a lesser of two evils or so that a president will legalize pot or gay marriage.  And don’t wait three days before you call because a book told you you could get laid.  {With that said, please refer to rule #10.}

Rule #5: Never argue to obtain or maintain love.  It is better to lose with grace.  Also, don’t let a person know you “figured them out” and then spit a curse upon them, that they’ll be alone forever and will never find someone who will love them as well as you have.  That’s probably not true if you find yourself saying that.  Anyway do you want to be with someone who is with you because you have successfully crushed their heart into submission with fear?  {You haven’t lost anything.}

Rule #6: You deserve nothing and are entitled to less.

Rule #7: Don’t try to kiss someone who tells you repeatedly that you should not.  I think it was hard for them to say that to you the first time.  If they begin crying or vomiting because you persist, this was probably really hard for them too.  They probably have some shit going on, or its just not vibing.

Rule #8: Ignoring Red Flags leads to near death experiences.
{‘In a relationship’ is a red flag.
Married with children is a red flag.
Still in high school is a red flag.
Schizophrenia is a red flag.}

Rule #9: Telling the girl that you love that “it’s over and will never happen again” is only honorable in the movies, because the audience knows what you really feel and that you have to save the world and don’t want her to get killed because she’ll be the target of your enemies.  In real life she’s just sad and is going to move on {sleep with others, get married and have children without you}.

Rule #10: The crazy person you become when you fall in love in seconds should not be in charge on what you say or do.  You should be locked away in a cabin until the infection passes.  And if it doesn’t burn the thing down.

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  • Rebecca

    I am laughing to tears.
    #8 may be my favorite.
    I really like #6.

  • Danielle