There is a monster.
She is a terrific beast and I am so entirely at her mercy.
I cannot slay her,
she is a lamb – no, a treasure
that must be left to live and grow.
I could infect her kingdom too easily.
But she is no lamb,
in a moment she could strike me into a thousand pieces.
That is her power.
Still she has to remain safe from me,
because she is the unicorn or narwhal or some other beasty magic that has a horn or…
Also if I destroyed her I would be shattered a thousand times again.
So I am her victim
and also her nightmare.
I have decided to run from her,
but she is in every beautiful and hideous thing I see.
Every stone and flower.
Every pretty girl and terrible boy.
Every waking and sleeping moment.
Every moment of happy or sad.
Every memory I have of her is my home and prison
and I am banished and captive by both!
And so at this divide I am the serene madman.
At any moment ready to act beautifully, hideously, or to explode in tears,
but none ever come
so I remain feeling as if I’ll lose my mind
but as still as the calm before the world crushing storm.