I have been introduced to a new Power.
I should learn from this Power, Power’s name is Pain.
I am the Initiate, and the Great Power is Pain, I need a Guide.
The Guide will formally introduce me to Pain and I won’t simply think of Pain as an asshole from our brushing shoulders, and Pain’s casual stabbing at my stomach, breath, and heart.
Pain will still stab my stomach, breath, and heart, but we will have met formally and Guide will help me understand the language Pain speaks so that I do not dismiss the thing and call the whole “Bad”.
“Bad” is a mistaken word. Misunderstood really. “Bad” only exists when the Initiate thinks they know what is “True”, and also what is “Good”. “Bad”, “Good”, and “True” only exist when the Initiate is convinced the world is static or that he knows what he is himself.
Pain will stab my stomach, breath, and heart and turn the blade for hours. I have felt it already. I feel it almost constantly, even when I am doing things that make people happy. Pain keeps stabbing. I am looking for Guide so that Pain can show me powers, and so that I can be a better Magician.
Merlin knew Pain and called it the dragon’s breath. Pain stabbed him daily and he also saw flashes of his family and village suffer and burn. I see fire and blood like Merlin. It is the Dragon’s Breath. But I need a Guide to learn the magic. So that Pain has a proper companion in me.
Right now Pain makes me feel always like dying. Dying, crying, and screaming, sometimes punching or vomiting. I think I will still feel like these things after meeting a Guide, but I will also have better Magick and so it is company for the feelings.
To the stars then, and to the bird, and the fox, my jackal, and the other beasts that I know or have not met. I will gladly meet a Guide in my dreams. Or again in the delirium that Pain brings. I will trust one will meet me there, for there is no other hope- of course I should not Hope at all. But the feelings grow so strong they can be touched and I won’t die until I am 120. So there is only learning magick that can be left. Stars, and bird, and fox, my jackal, beasts, fire and blood I’ll take you all to learn then also from Pain.
Please, I nobly beg.